One of the things I have been focusing on during my one week social media break (which quickly turned into two weeks ;) is being more intentional with my content. This has lead me to also focus on being more intentional with my words and actions outside of my blog. With a more intentional approach to life, I would like to reduce the amount of times I utter the word "Sorry".
I have said this so many times before, but just to reiterate: I am a people pleaser through and through, and as a such I have lived a lot of my life apologizing for things as to "not rock the boat" or to "just move on" from unpleasant situations. I am a happy person! I love to smile and I love to make others smile. "I'm sorry" has been a security blanket for me in situations that I would like to quickly resolve. Because this is a model that I have become quite familiar with, I tend to apologize for things when it is entirely unnecessary.
The times I catch myself apologizing the most is when I find myself disagreeing with someone. At work or in life, when I have an opinion that differs from that of my friends or my peers, many times I will apologize before or after I state my opinion. Why do I do this? Am I sorry that I have a different opinion than that of my peers? If those around me are comfortable voicing their opinions, then why do I feel the need to apologize for mine? What I have started to realize, especially while I was on my two week sabbatical from Social Media, is that if I am focusing on the "intention" of my content, then I need to focus on the "intention" of my words and actions.
Don't get me wrong - I am very opinionated, as most people are, and I am not shy about standing up for myself in extreme situations. But in everyday life - in my friendships, daily interactions, and work relationships - by apologizing for things so cavalierly on a regular basis, I realized that I could potentially be giving the impression that I would rather stick to the status quo than be honest. This incessant need to make everyone happy has unfortunately led to many times throughout my life where I have been taken advantage of for the aforementioned fact.
I have to remind myself that those I have in my life, and those I choose to hold close, are the people who would never want me to apologize for my everyday opinions or actions, and I need to stop being afraid to speak up for fear of "rocking the boat". I have set a new goal for the year - "No more false apologies". I have already noticed a change within myself since I have become more aware of how much I use the words "I'm sorry" and have been actively stopping myself from saying it. I try to find another word or phrase that doesn't claim blame for a situation when it isn't needed.
No more "I'm sorry, but..." scenarios. I know most of us are familiar with those! I want to be intentional with my words, intentional with my thoughts, opinions, and actions. I know I am a strong, intelligent person and I want to try my darnedest to not hold myself back for fear of upsetting others. My hope in writing this, as with a lot of my more personal posts, is that it resonates with someone who is experiencing something similar. I hope this helps someone who is looking for the motivation to make a change, or who is simply in need of the reassurance that they aren't on an island experiencing this alone. As we hit a new season, I am marching into Spring with a new goal: no more apologizing (except when needed;).
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